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• Add your children and the days and times they are usually free, under My kids. You can give each one a picture; only families you have connected with will see it.
• Connect with another parent: scan their QR code when you are together, add them by username or phone, or tap "Invite from your contacts" to see who you know is already here and text the rest an invite.
• Turn on calendar sync if you want busy times taken into account. This is optional, but it is how Playly knows when your family is actually available.

Three ways, and you can use any of them each time.

With a password: enter your email and password and tap Sign in. If you made your account a different way, set a password first in Settings, under Account. Forgot it? Tap "Forgot password?" on the sign-in screen and we email you a code to type in with a new one.

With an emailed link: leave the password empty and tap "Email me a link". Open the email on the same phone or computer and tap Sign in to Playly. The email also has a six-digit code, for when it arrives on a different device; type it into Playly instead. Links and codes work once and expire after about an hour, and you can ask for another.

If the email does not arrive within a minute or two, check your spam folder for a message from no-reply@playlyapp.com.

On an iPhone you can tap Sign in with Apple instead and use Face ID. Use the same way each time: an account made with Apple and Hide My Email is separate from one made with your own email address.

Calendar sync and "Invite from your contacts" need the installed app; a web browser cannot reach your calendars or address book, so those do not appear there. Everything else works in either. If the app cannot see your calendars, contacts or photos, check that Playly has been allowed them in your phone's settings.

One parent sets it up and the other says yes. Here is the whole sequence, and who has to do what.

• You tap Plan a playdate and choose one or more families. All families need at least one child with playdate hours set, or there is nothing to compare.
• You pick which children are playing — yours and theirs. Only the children you pick are part of it.
• You choose a time from the list. Those are the times that already work for everyone selected, so anything listed is safe to pick.
• You set how long, and the start time within that window. A note is optional.
• You send the request. It arrives on the other parent’s Playdates tab with a badge.
• They tap Approve or Decline. Nothing happens until they answer — this is the only step that is strictly required of them. Declining asks for a quick note saying why, which goes into the playdate’s chat.
• Once everyone invited has approved, the playdate is confirmed for both families.

Required: the children, a time, and the other parent’s approval. That is the whole of it — a confirmed playdate needs nothing else.

Optional, and can be added or skipped at any point:

• A note when you send the request — a line like "we’ll bring scooters" or "we can host, or should we meet at a playground?"
• A location. Only the organizer can set one, before or after it is confirmed. Start typing and matching parks, places and addresses appear — or ignore them and write what you like, which is what you want for "our house". It is the one optional thing that reaches everyone’s calendar. Everyone on the playdate gets a Directions row under it, in Apple Maps, Google Maps or Waze; picking a place from the suggestions makes those exact, and a place typed by hand goes by its words.
• Messages in the group chat. Anyone on the playdate can post, before or after. Messages stay in the app and are never written to a calendar.
• Calendar sync. Each parent decides for themselves. A playdate is confirmed whether or not anyone syncs; sync only adds it to the phone’s calendar and keeps it up to date if the time or location changes.

You can invite up to four other families. Everyone invited has to approve before it is confirmed.

If some say yes and others say no, it comes back to you: go ahead with the families who said yes, or call it off. Nobody else has to do anything while you decide.

Families on the same playdate can see each other's names and which children are coming, even if they are not connected. If you would like to arrange the next one directly, open the playdate and tap "Add" next to their name to send a connection request. They see the same option next to yours.

Every "no" comes with a note. Declining, dropping out and cancelling each ask for a line saying why before they go through, and that line lands in the playdate's chat and on its card, so nobody is left with a bare "it's off". Write what you would say in person: "Rosie's come down with something, so sorry."

• Before it is confirmed, an invited parent taps Decline. If everyone declines, the request is closed.
• After it is confirmed, an invited parent can tap "I can’t make it anymore". It stays on for the others.
• The organizer can cancel for everyone, at any time.
• If every invited family drops out, it comes off by itself and everyone is told.
• When a playdate is called off, anyone who had it in their calendar sees it retitled "Cancelled". Tap Dismiss on its card under Updates, or inside the playdate, to clear it away; that also removes it from your calendar.

Open Find a time with that family and tap "Why aren't other days offered?" at the bottom. It lists the days that did not work and what stood in the way: nobody free, times that do not line up, something in a calendar, or an overlap shorter than your minimum. If you have set breathing room (see the next question), remember that it widens everything in your calendar.

Nobody can hand a child over the minute soccer ends. Under Settings, "Breathing room" adds a gap either side of everything in your calendar — 15 minutes to an hour — so playdates are not offered right up against it. It is off unless you turn it on, it applies to your family's busy times wherever they are used, and other families only ever see that your times are a little wider, never the setting itself.

Calendar sync is a single switch. Once it is on, there are two separate questions, and they do not affect each other.

• Which calendars are read, to work out when you are busy. Every calendar on your phone is read unless you say otherwise.
• Which calendars playdates are written into, set under "Add playdates to". Usually one; it can be several.

This is the reading side. Settings lists the calendars on your phone and lets you say what each one means, which is what stops one person’s commitments blocking the whole family.

• Mine — your own calendar. This is how every calendar starts out. A time only counts as busy for the family when every parent or caregiver is busy, so if one of you is free, playdates can still be suggested.
• Everyone — a shared household calendar. Anything in it blocks all of your children, whatever the other parent is doing. A custody calendar belongs here.
• A child’s name — that child’s own commitments. Their soccer practice stops them, and leaves their brother or sister free to have someone over as long as at least one caregiver calendar is also free.
• Ignore — nothing in that calendar is counted when working out free time.

Ignore is for calendars on your phone that say nothing about whether a playdate could happen. Nothing in them counts when Playly works out when you are free.

Don't use it for a calendar with real commitments in it: that is the quickest way to end up with a playdate on top of something else. Leave those as Mine — being busy in them is exactly what Playly needs to know. Ignore is for noise, not for things you would rather not think about.

It only affects reading. A calendar set to Ignore can still be the one playdates are added to.

Good candidates:

• Subscribed feeds you follow but do not attend — a school term calendar, fixture lists, a team you only watch.
• Holiday and birthday calendars. All-day entries are skipped anyway, but these often carry timed ones that are not commitments.
• A partner’s or colleague’s calendar you can see for reference but that does not decide your day.
• Old calendars you no longer keep up to date, where stale events would rule out times that are actually free.

Under "Add playdates to", tick every calendar a confirmed playdate should appear in. Most people pick one — a shared family calendar, or a separate one so playdates do not clutter their main diary — but you can pick several.

A calendar you have said belongs to one of your children only receives the playdates that child is going to, so a calendar kept for one child stays theirs. You do not set that separately; it follows the label you already gave it.

Each parent chooses this on their own phone, so two parents using the app each get it in their own calendar without doing anything. Only playdates you are going to are added. If the time or the location changes, every copy is updated; if it is called off, they are retitled "Cancelled" until you remove it; and unticking a calendar takes the playdates back out of it.

Keep a calendar of the time your children are not with you, and let Playly read it. Block out the days or parts of days they are at their other home, turn on calendar sync in Settings, and set that calendar to "Everyone". Those times stop being offered to anyone.

Many separated parents already keep a custody calendar, often shared with their co-parent. If you do, that is the one to use — and because it is a real calendar, a swapped weekend, a holiday or a one-off change is handled the moment you put it in, with nothing to update in Playly.

If you don't keep one, making a calendar called something like "Kids away" and adding the non-parenting time is enough. All-day entries are skipped, so block the actual hours rather than marking whole days.

If your household includes more than one parent or caregiver who makes and hosts playdates, you can add them as a co-parent. You each get your own login, and you share the same children, families and playdates. A time only counts as busy for your family when every parent is busy.

This suits co-parents who share a single household. Parents living in separate households may find it simpler to each have their own account, with a synced custody calendar setting when the children are with them (see "I share custody of my kids. How do I set that up?").

• The parent who already has Playly: in Settings, under Parents, tap "Add a co-parent". You get an eight-character code and a link. Share it with your co-parent only. It works once and lasts a week; tap "New code" if it expires.
• The parent joining: open the link, or open Playly and tap "Create an account". Enter your own email and tap the sign-in link we send you. If you opened the invite link, the code is already filled in; otherwise tap "Use an invite code" and type it. Add your name and that is all: once you are in, everything the family has is there.
• If the joining parent already has a Playly account with a family of their own, the code will not work on it. An invite adds a new login to a family, so it needs a fresh account. Sign out first, then open the link.

If your family has more than one parent, either can change the kids' hours, add or remove a photo, or set breathing room — and the other is told, under the bell, with who and when. A co-parent joining shows up there too. My kids lists the last few changes beneath its title. Nobody is told about their own changes, and a family with one parent never sees this at all.

On Friends, "Invite from your contacts" (phone app only) asks to read your address book and then shows two lists. "Already on Playly" are contacts who use it — tap Add to send them a connection request. "Invite to Playly" is everyone else — tap Invite and your Messages app opens with a short note and a link, for you to send or not.

The link carries your family's code. When they sign up from it, the two of you are connected the moment they are in, with nothing else to do. Your contacts stay on your phone; only the phone numbers are checked, and none are kept.

Each family's card on Friends ends with a line like "4 playdates · 1 fell through". Tap History to see every playdate the two of you were on, newest first, with which children came and how it went — happened, coming up, or who had to bow out. Tap one to open it.

Under My kids, tap "Add a photo" beneath a child to pick one from your photo library; "Change photo" and "Remove photo" appear once there is one. It is optional — a child without one is shown by their emoji, which you can change by tapping it.

The picture is cropped square and shrunk on your phone before it is saved, which also strips the location information phones put in photos. The families you have connected with see it in place of the emoji; families you merely share a playdate with, and anyone else, see the emoji. The privacy page has the detail.

The bell at the top of the Playdates tab collects everything new in one list: invitations and replies, messages, playdates called off, a family asking to connect, and anything a co-parent changed at home. Its number is how many are new; tap a line to go to the thing it's about.

The Playly app on your phone also sends notifications: invitations and replies, messages, changes to a playdate, and a reminder before each one you're going to. Choose which in Settings, under Notifications, along with how far ahead reminders arrive. Tap a notification to open its playdate.

The first time you sign in, your phone asks whether Playly may send notifications. If you said no, Settings in Playly shows it with a button to your phone's Settings, where you can turn them on. In a web browser there are no notifications; the bell and the badges show what is new.

On Friends, tap the ··· on a family's card; on a playdate, tap "Report or block a family" at the bottom. Report tells us what happened, with their recent messages you can see, and a person reads it, usually within a day. Block disconnects you, and neither family can find the other or ask to connect; they are not told they are blocked. Upcoming playdates you share end too: ones you organized are cancelled, and you leave the others. The block screen lists them before you confirm. Blocked families are listed in Settings, where you can unblock them.

Settings, then "Delete my account". If you are the last parent in your family it removes your family's information for good — children, photos, connections and the playdates you organized — so do check with anyone else who shares it. Playdates you were invited to carry on without you, and those families are told the family has left.